Category Archives: Guest Posts

To Change the World with My Own Two Feet

Daniel Ogle and I met when he was the associate pastor of my home church. He’s since moved on to another church, but we try to stay connected via texts written in sarcasm font. We both love snark and words and American Pickers and Jesus (not necessarily in that order). Also, coffee. (Always coffee.)

He asked me to write something over on his real estate and I said, “OF COURSE!” and then took like, two weeks to send him something. It’s fine, we’re cool.

So if you want to read what I Google-Doc’ed him, land here; be sure to stay awhile, because his words are so good, y’all. I’ve met Jesus more times than I can count through Ogle.

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You Are Nothing

My lovely friend Kim Wilson is hosting a genius series at her blog called To My 20-Year-Old Self. I mean, it really is brilliant.

I love this gal. You should too!

So I’m over there today, giving my younger self advice, advice that’s slightly better than, “Stop writing love letters, you’re only fourteen.”

So click here to read my letter to my 20-year-old self.

And if you don’t already, make sure you look around her site and get to know Kim. She’s got a servant’s heart, and I know from personal experience (yay, Killer Tribes!) that she is kind, sweet, and a lot of fun to have lunch with.

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Badly Drawn Buttram

I have a confession.

But you’re going to have to head over to Jared Hollier’s blog, BadlyDrawnBible, to hear it.

As Bug would say…SUCKAS!!

And if you aren’t already reading his stuff, then I’d be willing to gander that there’s a BDB-shaped hole in your life.

So.

Go forth and be filled.

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Come Visit Me on an Isle of Men

Last week I got a phone call from a totally sketchy dude telling me I had won an all-expense paid trip to the tropical locale of my choice if my choice was Kevin Haggerty’s blog The Isle of Man, and all I had to do was answer a few questions correctly.

Well, I don’t know if I answered them correctly per se, but at least I didn’t say the capital of Brazil was Rio de Janeiro and accidentally get all my friends murdered. What were we talking about again?

Anyway, click here to read my interview with Kevin Haggerty, teacher by day, Mitch Hedberg impersonator by night. And while you’re there, make sure to read his blog. He’s hilarious and thought-provoking, a winning combination in my book and also America’s book.

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Buttrams Begin

Today Hubs and I celebrate eight years of marriage.

That’s nine years and two days since our very first date at Up the Creek, which was Big Spending for a broke college kid. He even sprung for dessert, some strawberry cheesecake something or other, which we split, though I found out later that he wasn’t a big fan of strawberries, cheesecake, or desserts. (Don’t worry, I’ve rubbed off on him since then.)

And nine years and six-ish months since he was first introduced to me as a fellow Alabamian in Tennessee. I thought he was a freshman, and he thought I was pretty.

Nine years and six-ish months later, I know he’s an Older Man, and he knows I’m nutty.

Nine years and two days later, we ignore Valentine’s Day, calling it the Buttrams’ Anniversary Pre-Game Show. (It’s pretty much the Pro Bowl to our Superbowl. How do you like that sports analogy? So romantic, amiright?)

You can clickety click HERE to read the rest of how our story began over at my good friend and Internet Twin Leigh Kramer‘s blog as part of her This is How We Met series. Leigh is a talented writer, a supportive blogger buddy, and a funny Twitter pal, and we’ve since bonded over our mutual taste in music, television, and literary crushes.

And while you’re there, you should definitely get to know her. She is, above all, authentic, and you can never get enough of that on the internets, right?

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The Hierarchy of Grocery Stores

If there’s one thing I know instinctively, it’s which aisle powdered doughnuts are in at any grocery store in America. Because I’ve been in more than my share. In grocery stores, not in powdered doughnuts, although that sounds awesome, so please can we make that happen?

So naturally it was my duty to rank these grocery stores in order of desirability and granola availability. And even more naturally, I had to do this over at Clay Morgan‘s site. So click here to read my guest post and let me know where your grocery store falls in the hierarchy.

And for the record, I had no idea he owns a Yorkie, but…now everything just makes sense, right?

One last order of business: the Anna Dressed in Blood giveaway! Hip hip hooray! The winner is Jan Heath! Thanks for commenting, friend! I’ll be emailing you to collect your goods. 🙂

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Buttram Out Loud

Just take my word for it: I’m pretty loud. I once lost my voice because I shouted “Free Willy!” repetitively while on a bus trip to YoungLife camp. Seven hours of pint-sized random yelling, you guys. Because I. Am. Annoying Awesome.

Oh, hi, Tamara

But that’s not what I’m talking about when I say Buttram Out Loud. Nay, I’m talking about my guest post at Tamara Out Loud’s blog. Tamara is one of the most gifted writers I’ve ever come across on the interwebz, and I was honored when she gave me her space to talk about something ridiculous and belated.

You know what, I don’t care. Luckily, neither did she.

So click here to read my guest post over at Tamara’s site, and if you don’t already read her site regularly, you HAVE to linger. She’s impressive. If you know what I mean.

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Chasing Rabbits

You guys, yesterday I was chasing vomit chunks with Gatorade (too much?) but today I’m chasing rabbits over at my favorite Alabamian smidget’s blog, Jamie’s Rabbits.

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If you haven’t met her yet, then your life is about to get 72.8% more awesome. It’s science.

So click here to read my guest post on the positive effect of Irrational Crushes and peruse her blog a bit. I promise you will also fall in love with her, and not at all irrationally.

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Friday Favorites : Guest Post by Clay Morgan

He’s a college professor by day, writer/speaker/blogger buddy to many/Psych fan/80’s baby/dork/history nerd by night. He’s Clay Morgan, you guys, and he’s got something great to share with you. I’m just glad he chose here to share it, because it is FANTASTIC.

No, really. FANTASTIC.

Take it away, Pittsburgh Prof.

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Image from Time.com

When I was a kid I use to lurv getting up on Thanksgiving morning to watch the Macy’s Parade in New York City while fighting with my sisters over who would have to clean the most dishes seven hours later.

As a grownup aged person, I enjoy football a lot. Like a really lot. In fact, my gracious host here Jess and I are in a battle royale of about 40 internet peeps trying to predict the outcome of every NFL game this year. I won’t tell you who’s currently winning between Jess and I, but I will say that it’s me.

Meanwhile, the parade lost its luster for me years ago, so I thought maybe I could increase that old magic by combining these two wonderful American traditions. After all, there’s a big Christmas parade coming up soon.

What follows is my attempt to field a football team out of traditional parade stars. Some of these faves might not roll down Broadway anymore, but they all took the stroll at one point. The task is daunting, but I’m willing to take it on for you. Still, I know you can probably do better, so I hope to hear your suggestions in the comments below.

Here’s my lineup:

OFFENSE

Mr. Potato Head—Tight End
He’s super versatile and can really confuse the defense by offering so many different looks. Badamp-ch!

Bugs Bunny, Underdog, and Spider-Man—Wide Receivers
We can go over, under, or through you. And Spidey never drops a pass.

The Energizer Bunny—Running Back
Go ahead and hit him. He just keeps going and going and going and…

Snoopy—Fullback
The Red Baron knows how to clear a path.

The Rockettes—Offensive line
You might think I’m off base on this one, but you know they’ve got strong legs to drive the pile forward. Also, most of the defenders will be too distracted by said legs to see what the quarterback is doing. Also, I’ll be playing quarterback.

DEFENSE

Santa Claus—Middle Linebacker
I think Santa’s the perfect guy to captain the defense. He got plenty of stamina and great vision. He sees you when you’re passing. He knows if it’s a play fake. He’ll blitz against your run scheme, so be careful for goodness sake.

Woody the Woodpecker—Defensive back/Cornerback
I don’t think Woody still appears, but he was my favorite float as a kid. Loved that guy. If you’ve ever dealt with a woodpecker you know how pesky they are. Great trait for a cornerback.

Po from Kung Fu Panda—Defensive back/Safety
Just try coming across the middle with this big hitter back there. He’ll get fined for plenty of big hits. Skadoosh!

Shrek, Horton the Elephant, Pillsbury Doughboy—Defensive Line
My defense has layers. Like an onion. Or cake.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Sonic the Hedgehog—Kick Returner
Impossible to catch unless he gets distracted by coins.

Kermit the Frog—Kicker
Just makes sense doesn’t it? Those frog legs were made for kickin, not eating. I feel the need to point this out since Jessica is from Tennessee after all.

ORGANIZATIONAL

Rich Uncle Pennybags—Team Owner
There’s a practice field at St. Charles Place even though it’s kind of close to the county jail.

Olive Oyl, Betty Boop, and Scooby Doo—Cheerleading Squad
No, seriously. I really wish these three made up a cheerleading squad.

Popeye—Trainer
Somebody’s gotta keep the team in shape. I’ll take the sailor man and his solid dietary plan.

Kool-Aid Man—Waterboy
Get it?

What float stars would you want on your football team?
Who did I miss?

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Finding the Sweet Spot Between Rigid and Relaxed : Guest Post by Renée Schuls-Jacobson

You guys, I’m pretty pumped to have Renée, from Lessons From Teachers and Twits, as today’s Friday Favorite, despite her schedule being cuh-razy. Even cuh-razier than mine. (Mine’s actually not that cuh-razy.)

I also had the super fun privilege of talking to her on the phone about this post, and she is as sweet and funny and easy-to-chat-with as her blog makes her out to be. SHE’S THE FULL PACKAGE, Y’ALL! And she says “pecan” like a true southerner.

Enjoy, friends! (Honestly, that’s not a difficult directive.)

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Image from nanabatman at flickr.com

In politics, there is a middle place between authoritarian dictator and namby-pamby pushover.

So too in the classroom.

So too at home.

How do I know that I am not a dictator in the classroom?

Because I’m not.

You’ll have to trust me on that.

But seriously, a few things come to mind. I always know my students’ names: their individuality matters to me.

How do I know I’m not a pushover?

I don’t accept any kind of bullying. Or technology in the classroom (unless it is being used for classwork). And I don’t accept late homework assignments.

At home, I have to think about my role with my progeny. I mean, I didn’t teach my son to swim by throwing him off the diving board into the deep end — the douche-bag I paid $14 dollars per hour for lessons did that. But I don’t follow him around the house carrying a pair of crutches just in case he feels like leaning against something.

Here are a few other things that help me reassure myself that I’ve got some sense of balance in my house:

I let my son eat raw batter with a big ole spoon. Yes, there were uncooked eggs in the recipe. And yes, he double and triple dipped in the bowl. To people who are all horrified by this, I say I am building a better world by creating a child with a stronger immune system.

But I also make sure that my son eats at least two fruits and one vegetable every day. He also drinks a lot of milk.

I do not feel the need to use hand sanitizer. Ever. Unless something is totally gross, like we’ve been handling lizards or he’s come in contact with something that might have come in contact with spit or feces, I’m pretty sure whatever it is can wait until we find real water.

But I try to get to water pretty fast.

I let my son sing The Beatles’ “Why don’t we do it in the road?” at the top of his lungs because he thought it was funny. And it was because at the time he had no idea what the “it” was.

But I do not let him download any songs with explicit lyrics, nor do I let him play mature video games. Or any video games at all.

I helped my son and his buddy create suits made of cardboard and bubble-wrap and duct tape. And then I encouraged them to walk around the neighborhood to show off their dorky cool outfits.

But I was horrified when I had to cram him into a suit that was clearly two sizes too small for him before an important religious gathering, so I rushed out to the store to do some last minute shopping before we had to be at the event. I’ll not have my son look like a doofus when it counts.

I don’t rush in with the tissues when my boy sneezes.

But I don’t send him to school when he has a fever.

Unless he has a project the size of a baleen whale that is covered in glitter which would melt as a result of exposure to the elements, my son walks to school each day no matter the weather.

But I remind him to wear his boots in the winter because no matter how dumb he thinks he might look, cold, wet feet suck.

I don’t hover over my son when he is instant messaging a girl.

But I really want to.

Despite the fact that he landed on accidental porn while Googling “big sea cucumbers,” I still have not turned on parental controls to limit his searches.

But I do limit his screen time to 90 minutes each day. I figure he should be able to complete his homework and have a little time leftover for happy happy joy joy. But if he forgets to sign off accidentally? Oh well, sorry… there’s always tomorrow.

Since he was 9-years old, I have helped my son pack a huge trunk and duffel bag to bring to overnight camp where he has disappeared for three weeks each summer because I truly believe the time away is good for him.

But this year, he has decided he’d like to go for four weeks. And my heart is kind of breaking at the thought of it.

Do you consider yourself more of an authoritarian or a namby-pamby? If you have found your place of harmony as a parent, can you give directions as to where you found it so others might find it as well?

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