The Pros and Cons of the End of the World

It’s getting close, you guys. By the end of the week, we should know if the Mayans were right. Or more accurately, if the guy who translated the ancient, intricate Mayan language was right. I mean, wouldn’t it be a major career setback if he was totally wrong? What if it was all just some Mayan kid’s doodles in Calendar Prophecy 101 class? The Mayans are extinct, right? So there’s no one around to be like, “LOLZ, that’s not a hieroglyphic of  the Mayan god of destruction, that’s my mother-in-law!”

Nevertheless, if the world does end, I can easily think of a few pros to the whole apocalypse gig. (Side note: I can never spell apocalypse correctly on the first go. I should probably write that word more often.)

If the world ends on Friday:

  • I will forever be a woman in my twenties;
  • I won’t have to potty train the Bean;
  • I won’t have to buy another Brita filter;
  • I won’t have to buy another $30 box of diapers;
  • Or wipes (UGH);
  • We won’t have to change our toothbrushes, another light bulb, the air filters, or the batteries in our smoke detectors ever again;
  • I won’t have to get an oil change (HAH. Sears can SUCK IT);
  • I won’t have to venture back into the black hole/junk closet to pack away our Christmas decorations;
  • We won’t have to pay any more bills, including the gas bill that probably peaked this month;

Obviously, the cons far outweigh the pros, like DO SHAWN & JULES GET MARRIED (Psych)??, and IS HENRY’S BIRTH FATHER RUMPLE’S SON (Once Upon a Time)?!, and SERIOUSLY, WHEN ARE NICK AND JESS GONNA KISS (New Girl)?!, and a host of other things not television-related.

But then I might get morbid and my mom is probably already having a fit over my tempting superstition/fate/the angry Mayan god of destruction or something.

But seriously, why are diapers so expensive?



Filed under Humor

7 responses to “The Pros and Cons of the End of the World

  1. It isn’t going to happen because it just isn’t. Also because I bought a very expensive rug. And, of course, I’m going to have to pay for it. 😉

    See you on the 22nd.

  2. Larry The Deuce

    Wow! I hadn’t even thought about Henry being Rumple’s grandson. Now I may not even find out…….. And I feel fine.

  3. Ha. We think alike. My three-year-old is refusing to use the potty. He’s holding onto those diapers for dear life. The only problem? He’s a GIANT kid, about one pound away from outgrowing the largest size diapers available. I’ve felt this countdown to the day he’ll be too big for diapers and too stubborn to use the toilet. Things are gonna get messy.

  4. Don’t worry, Doctor Who will save us. He always does… Besides, my first book isn’t coming out until next month so the world isn’t allowed to end!

  5. WE WOULD NEVER MEET BENEDICT. Jesus wouldn’t do that to us.

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