First Impressions Aren’t My Forte

I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS BUT IN THE INTEREST OF YOUR EYEBALLS I WILL commence in lowercase letters with only the occasional capital. Who’s looking out for you, America?

This weekend is the Killer Tribes Conference. It is both my first conference ever AND the coolest one at which I will ever first-time-meet several wonderful blogger buddies. There’s no time like the first time.


I REALLY feel the need to disclaim some personal things, because I am painfully less cool than I am on this blog. Even my own sister once told me that I am more hilarious online than in real life, so you know. SCARRED.

And in all honesty, it usually takes several instances before people like me, and countlessly more before people love me. I wish were kidding just to seem humble and genuine and cool – that’s a thing, right? Telling people you aren’t cool when you really are so that when they meet you their expectations are much lower and BAM!, you’re instantly twelve degrees cooler than they imagined you to be?

Oy. See what I mean?

Unfortunately, the conference is only one weekend long, and there are only so many instances I can squeeze in there without completely abandoning my children and/or following you to your hotel. (To use their pool, duh.)

Because we will be short on time, and all the while packing in a TON of excellent information from brilliant speakers, let me go ahead and expel some first-impression double takes that might arise. You know, because of time.

  • I’m a hugger.
  • I am actually secretly shy. I just overcompensate. And I do mean “over” QUITE literally.
  • I am not trendy. At all. Which is weird, since I’m a blogger, and blogging is trendy.
    • I mean, I shop at Old Navy when I’m feeling fancy.
    • My idea of fashion sense is discerning whether or not these sweatpants make me look fat, or if I can still wear my maternity blouses without anyone asking how far along I am.
    • If I seem even the least bit vogue, it’s because I’m either trying REALLY hard, just went on an Old Navy shopping spree, or raided my sister’s closet. Probably all of the above.
  • I spend all day everyday with a toddler. It’s probably best to ignore it if (when) I slip into baby-talk or reflexively reach for your plate to cut up your vegetables.
    • Look, everyone knows I mean “bathroom” when I accidentally refer to it as “the potty,” so don’t be a hero and take the easy joke, okay?
    • I will probably also try to adjust your ponytail, brush a crumb off your shirt, or wipe a smudge from your forehead. Just swat my hand away and carry on.
  • I literally snort when I laugh suddenly and loudly. I know that many of those in attendance are quite hilarious, so there’s a solid chance my nose might start bleeding. Just ignore it or laugh at me, which is what my family does. Enjoy the show.

I’m sure there are a dozen more that I should point out, but these are (for good reason) the most pressing.

If we meet in Nashville and against all odds, you STILL want to be blogger buddies, leave me a comment at the end of this post with your website, Twitter name, Facebook page…basically any and all ways I can appropriately stalk you internetually. I really want to be your friend, and if Bryan Allain has a Creepy Factor of 13, then I am CLEARLY shooting for the triple digits.



Filed under Humor

39 responses to “First Impressions Aren’t My Forte

  1. Okay now I’m worried. Because I’m an overcompensating, hugging, unfashionable, secretly-shy, hand-me-down-wearing laugh-snorter.

    That’s not cool?

    I really AM behind the trends. DANG.
    Also, I’m crazy-jealous that other people get to meet you this week.

    Because not only do I know I’d love you instantly (I just do, okay?) but I’d let you adjust my ponytail and cut up my vegetables.

    Promise we’ll meet someday anyway.
    I have a pool.


  2. I am totally NOT a blogger yet I am totally jealous of all the bloggity conferences – meeting you would so much fun!

  3. What is this? No need for this. I already love you. Put me down for hugs. Plural.

  4. I’m a dude, & a blogger. I could cop to most of these–except I’m not a hugger, & I hate clothes shopping. And I don’t wear sweats.

    I spend most of my days as a technical therapist–fixing people’s computer problems.

  5. I am infinitely more uncool than you, so forgive my cruddy writing. I have some good posts mixed in with the everyday rumblings. Enjoys yours very much!

  6. I’m new to the awesomeness that is your blog, and I have to say after reading this post I’m a bit sadder I won’t be at the conference. We could have been awesomely awkward together. 😉

  7. No comment, really. Just excited, anxious, nervous. Let’s plan on side hugging, high fiving, AND fist bumping.

    • Yup. Works for me. Let’s high five first, and then fist bump. Or would you rather do both at the same time with both hands? We could make it a secret handshake, and only invite people in after they’ve completed a detailed initiation ritual.

  8. Now I really wish I could go to this conference! 😦

  9. The conference sounds like it’ll be fun. Hugging is awesome!


  10. hopefulleigh

    I cannot wait to hug you!!!!!!!!!!

  11. So jealous that you are going to Killer Tribes this weekend. And I would totally hug you. I’m an inappropriately long hugger. Just ask my nieces and nephews. But I would dress you and fill in your awkward snort-filled spaces.

    And like Julie said, we will meet one day. And I will like you – just like everyone else. Even in your maternity tops. 😉

    Even if you didn’t vote for Ferris.

  12. I can’t wait to meet you! 🙂

  13. We need that chart on the Killer Tribes Conference site. Because otherwise I will just straight-up hug everyone. I mean, I just automatically go full-frontal. So if that’s not cool, y’all have, like, 29 hours to tell me. Otherwise you’re getting boob-squishing front hugs from this gal.

  14. Marianne

    I’ve been a hugger. But then I hugged the wrong person. It didn’t end well.

  15. rickyjanderson

    I will be jealous from afar.

    And I will tweet each of you during talks in an effort to distract you.

  16. Jess. We already love you. You made your first impression long ago! 🙂

  17. Hey Can I play? I’m many of those same things you said; though I have kids in college AND first grade (we’ll discuss it over something stronger than juicy juice). I missed the conference (drat) but (confession coming) as i have leaped from world of knowledge and confidence to new world of being the only one without either, I seek fun writers…! I found your work through Linsday Nobles and now through Leanne too??? i call that a god-thing. where do i sign? i need a new club. (wow, and so early in the day…)

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