I’m A Fraud

Not to be confused with “frog”. Although, with this head cold that WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE, I do sound like one. I’ll admit, it makes me want to break out in a rendition of “Smelly Cat”. (Also, you should hear my “red rum, red rummmmm” impression.)

HOWEVER. We are getting off-topic.

Fraud. A person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or being credited with accomplishments or qualities. (Interesting side note: the dictionary says, “humbug” is a synonym for “fraud.” So seasonally appropriate!)

There are a number of identities I wear, either by simple biology, legal contract, blunt definition, external circumstance, or self-imposition.

Female. Daughter. Sister. Christian. (Trophy) Wife. Mother. Writer.

Some of these identities are easier than others to shirk. Or, more accurately, to slip on like a raincoat. For instance…

Christian.

Writer.

Christian. Writer.

Christian writer.

Christer.

(Okay, I’m done.)

Christian. A person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings. (Or?)

WriterA person who writes books, stories, or articles as a job or regular occupation. (Dang it!)

Everything I can call myself, with any measure of accuracy, are all things that God has ordained in me.

He made me the third-born child to a pair of Filipinos (it’s a girl!). He plucked me out of Alabama and wrapped me in Heaven’s robes. I ran ahead of Him, but He honored my disobedience (and science) by allowing me to be a mother. He sees my desires, my passion and hopes, and He makes me good at it. He surrounds me with affirmation and confirmation. He nudges me into His expectations for me. He calls me to be better. To do better. He wants me to live out my dreams.

And I, well…I shrink back into myself, because it is so much more comfortable there, so much safer.

Fraud. Wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.

What is more fraudulent? Claiming to be something I am not, or not claiming who I am?

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20 Comments

Filed under Faith

20 responses to “I’m A Fraud

  1. My mentor during grad school once told me that we’re all frauds. I’ve always thought about that. It gets way too metaphysical for my head to handle. But you are all those things. Good or bad right?

  2. The former.

    I like you because you own up to all your stuff and that, to me, is a trustworthy attribute. I don’t trust people who can’t make fun of themselves.

    We definitely all suck at being awesome like God, BUT the failure in this respect is better than failing at truly understanding this failure. Wait. That’s really confusing.

    In other words, it’s better to know we are sucky and freely admit it, than to be sucky and not admit it.

    In DOUBLE other words, “Smelly cat, smelly cat / What are they feeding you?”

    • TRUTH. I have a really hard time accepting that I might just be less great than I think I am. And that unacceptance is stifling.

      “It’s not your faaaaaault.”

      Whoa. That lyric is strangely appropriate for this situation.

  3. I like this. A lot. It I could give you a Facebook thumbs up, I totally would. Just take my word for it.

    And I thought the same thing when reading that definition of “Christian”. Or? Why or?

  4. Great food for thought, Jess. And what a closing question. I’ll have to think on that one for a while.

    I’m a fraud too. I think about it often. How often do I say I dislike something and then discover later that it’s all over my life? I’m so thankful for God’s grace that covers my sins, including being a fraud.

  5. I say the latter. We all want to be something we are not at some point. It’s natural. You can only fake the funk for so long before you are exposed.

    When you know who you are but don’t claim it, that to me is the greater fraud. It’s disingenuous to those that truly want to know you.

  6. You are no fraud. You are the real deal, baby. Somebody ought to put you up on a pulpit…

  7. I think life is just hard sometimes and we have to step back and watch really bad movies with a milkshake for a little while. Sometimes I think realizing our full potential occurs by two steps forward and one step back.

  8. I can’t answer your question, but I can say the biggest fraud, to me, is to pretend to be something you are not. Wonderful post.

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