Dear Steve Jobs, It’s Me Again

Dear Steve Jobs,

I’m sorry, I just can’t help curtsying.

I don’t know what you did this weekend to celebrate the 4th of July (but if I had to guess, I’d say you time traveled to have brunch with George Washington, while Martha whipped up some cherry pie for dessert, I mean that’s what I would do if I had your resources), but I’m assuming you weren’t trolling the Internet. I mean, I’m like, a billion times less popular than you (give or take), and even I didn’t do that. Much.

So I’m assuming you missed something of import that happened in my neck of the inter-woods. Don’t worry, because like a baby girl horse, Imma ’bout to filly you in. Clever, right? Feel free to borrow that for the next WWSJD convention.

See, there’s this website that’s pretty popular amongst Apple fanatics, accurately called Cult of Mac. I’m talking 15,000-likes-on-Facebook popular. I know, right? Of course, that number probably doesn’t represent the multi-billion-dollar industry you are galloping into the future abreast Pegasus wings, but like most under(non)paid folks, I’m choosing to ignore that.

Any hoo said the lonely owl, over the holiday weekend, my last letter to you popped up on their homepage. I noticed (when I checked my stats casually and not at all obsessively to see if my mom read my blog more than once that day) that my blog (this one, right here) had exploded in hits. Like, 700%, if we’re being mathematical, and why shouldn’t we be, we’re both geniuses, separated by the tiny detail of a $953 insanillion net worth.

Side note: How does an insanillionaire get paid? Bi-weekly? Direct deposit? Quarterly bonus? Do you have a vault at Gringotts where you can actually swim in a pool of gold coins? I realize I’m crossbreeding references to Harry Potter and Duck Tales, but that’s better than inbreeding, amiright?

Back on point, I feel like I owe you some, nay, most of the credit for my sudden surge in blog readership. And consequently, I am entertaining the thought of starting all my blog posts from here on out with “Dear Steve Jobs”. Kind of like how, in junior high, I started all my journal entries with, “Dear JJ,” as in, “Jessie’s Journal.” I mean, that is infinitely more poignant than “Dear Diary,” wouldn’t you agree?

Additionally, I feel it necessary to point out (after seeing my debut on and some of the subsequent comments) that I do not actually believe that by addressing you on my blog, I am somehow emailing you my words of affirmation. (Although, I’m betting that’s your love language.)

Your friend
(I feel like I can say that confidently, after all we’ve been through),


PS, Are you the one who found my blog with the search terms, “Steve Jobs Best Pic Sean Connery”? Don’t worry, I won’t tell.



Filed under Humor

12 responses to “Dear Steve Jobs, It’s Me Again

  1. What a stroke of good luck you had! I wouldn’t sell out though. Write what you want to write!

  2. Can we still be friends now that you’re famous?

    How about if I admit I’d never be able to figure out the math of a 700% increase in blog readership?

    That’s way too complicated for someone who stopped paying attention to numbers around the time I started writing in my own Dear JJ.
    (Julie’s journal. poignant.)

    Guess I won’t be impressing Steve Jobs anytime soon, either.

    DANG it.

  3. EllieAnn

    Haha! Fun post. But I think Steve Job’s love language is wholehearted servitude and a willingness to give up all personal rights for the great honor of working with him. LoL. I loooove Apple products. Not a big fan of Jobs.
    And crossbreeding is way better than inbreeding. LoL!

    • Good call on SJ’s true love language. I must have missed that one when I read the book. 🙂

      My first home computer was an Apple II GS. It sat in my dad’s study and we played games on it, whenever he wasn’t working on it. I can still remember the blue and white command screen when you first turned it on. I learned how to spell “catalog” before I could read, because that’s how you got to all the games.

      Like so:

      >C:/ catalog

      Something like that.

      >C:/ awesome

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