Dear Steve Jobs,
You can’t see me right now (right? You don’t have some super techno one-way mirror scratch-and-sniff MacBook or anything, do you?) but I just curtsied. It felt right like the hand I write with. Haha, get it? Just a little humor to get us started. I promise I’m not that funny IRL, which stands for “in real life” and not “Earl” like I originally thought. Confusing, I know. You’re welcome.
Do you pronounce your name as in, “I’d like to have one of the cool jobs at Apple,” or like, “Job(s) of the Bible was one unlucky dude”? Just wondering, because I think it’s hilarious when people mispronounce my last name (go on, try it, hilarious, right? Best compound surname EVER) but most people just get annoyed.
So, just curious, what will the iPhone 5 have that the iPhone 4 doesn’t? More specifically, what can the iPhone 5 withstand? Like, will it be nuclear war proof?
Haha, good one, right? But seriously.
Because I drove off the other day with my iPhone 4 on top of my car (what, I had a billion things in my hands plus my one-year-old daughter plus I was running late plus shut up haha just kidding I didn’t mean shut up like shut your mouth I meant shut up your attic so you don’t get bats please don’t judge me) and when I got home and went searching for it, I found it in the middle of the road just outside my subdivision.
It was hot from the sun, it had tire treads (!) on it, and it looked like the screen had been warped. My heart was all achy and breaky, mostly because Billy Ray cut off that sweet mullet, partially because I was afraid my husband would ground me, and also because I didn’t want to spend the money to buy a new one two months after buying that one.
But after I removed the case and its clear shield, my iPhone was unscathed. Unscathed, I say!
So, because it WILL (might) happen to someone else one day (if s/he is also a dunce), I am here to say, rest assured. I am living proof that it can get tossed from a moving vehicle, run over, and left to hang out in the middle of the road for a few hours on the hottest day of the summer, and it’ll all be chill.
This is my thank you note for making an incredible product that is also klutz-proof. If the iPhone 5 just happens to be nuclear war proof, I will have to upgrade, because I will inevitably find a nuclear war to drop it in.
An Apple fan for life,
Mostly because my iPhone will survive my hijinks,
Sent from my iPhone