Members Only

Parenthood is an exclusive club. Mostly because of the kids you collect. And your membership can be denied or revoked, even if you have the required entrance fee, if you suck at it. There are a few people very close to me whose membership fees are pending, and in the next few weeks I get to watch them be initiated into the club, and I know they will not suck.

Here are the first two who are waiting for their applications to be stamped (for life!):

Unsuspecting

My sister Jen and her husband Adam are 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant as of today. My very first niece is on the verge of breakin’ out, and, as this will be the first time anyone that close to me has birthed a child, I am freaking excited.

I can’t wait to see their little girl’s face and see just how much of Adam manages to weasel its way into her features (just kidding, bro), and I doubly can’t wait to see their very identity transform into something more glorious than they can imagine this side of parenthood.

They may have an inkling, a notion, an idea…but little do they know how everything will change, how everything you thought you loved and cared and dreamt about will be unceremoniously shoved into the background the instant that lump inside your skin has a face and a name and a birthdate and minuscule fingers that immediately wrap around yours and a smell that is poisonous to your rational thinking and features that can be traced back through the lines of family legacy and a voice that will smash your heart into irrecoverable fragments and a very existence that you will literally want to die to protect.

So…pop her out already, guys.