Reasons My Son is Insanely More Awesome Than You (an ongoing list):

1. He is a five-year-old who uses words like “particular.” As in, “There is a particular Scooby-Doo episode I want to watch.”

2. He is a gentleman. When he told me he had three girlfriends, and I automatically chastised him, he responded, “But it’s not nice to tell a girl no.” Additionally, when I told him he didn’t need to worry about girlfriends right now, he said, “Okay, I guess I’ll have to let them down easy.”

3. He will smack talk you. While wrestling with Hubs, he has actually said, “Take some of this!” When Hubs insisted he was winning, Bug responded, “I doubt that highly.”

4. He is one of the most inventive kids you will meet. Today, he decided that the tiny bubbles trapped in ice cubes were actually “tiny-weensy bombs that explode when you touch them. So you should run away.” When I asked him why the bombs didn’t melt the ice prior to explosion, he looked at me exasperatedly and said, “Mo-om, because they’re not on fire until you touch them.” (Mothers don’t know anything.)

5. He has inherited my artsy, though sometimes misunderstood, side. After cutting an oval-shaped picture out of a rectangular sheet of card stock, he used the scrap piece of paper (shaped roughly like a capital “L,” only rounded on the inside) as a mohawk. And proceeded to walk around with it on his head.

6. He knows more about American presidents than I do. He can tell you who the tallest, shortest, fattest, oldest, and youngest presidents in U.S. history are, and insists that he will one day be president, too. But only after becoming a rockstar and an astronaut, that is.

7. He has a tender heart. Wrapped in dirt, grass stains, collectible rocks and insects, and overall boy-ness. We asked him who he played with today, and after Bug rattled off a long list of names, Hubs asked him who was the one who got everyone to play together. Bug shrugged and said, “Well, Ryan was playing all by himself, so I started playing with him, and then –” (shrug) “– we all just started playing together.”

8. You will swear you are speaking to an adult after having a conversation with him. On the drive home from school, he told me all about how he and his friends were playing zombies on the playground today. He said, “We argued a bit, but in the end, we all just got along.”

9. He is the miniature man of the house. Tonight he reminded me to take my “medicine,” (which is really just cough drops to combat the itchy throat that’s creeping up on me) and promised to drink five sips of orange juice with me, since orange juice makes you healthy. (Bug hates orange juice.)

10. Flattery gets him everywhere. According to Bug, I am the best chef ever. Along with his Grams, his dad, and his Pops, who apparently makes the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches around. He also complimented the random chef who made his grilled cheese at that restaurant we went to once. (What can I say, he’s a total foodie, just like his mom.)

DISCLAIMER: You are fully entitled to thinking your : child, pet, self : is ridiculously more amazing than my Bug. We can still be friends.

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