I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS BUT IN THE INTEREST OF YOUR EYEBALLS I WILL commence in lowercase letters with only the occasional capital. Who’s looking out for you, America?
This weekend is the Killer Tribes Conference. It is both my first conference ever AND the coolest one at which I will ever first-time-meet several wonderful blogger buddies. There’s no time like the first time.
I REALLY feel the need to disclaim some personal things, because I am painfully less cool than I am on this blog. Even my own sister once told me that I am more hilarious online than in real life, so you know. SCARRED.
And in all honesty, it usually takes several instances before people like me, and countlessly more before people love me. I wish were kidding just to seem humble and genuine and cool – that’s a thing, right? Telling people you aren’t cool when you really are so that when they meet you their expectations are much lower and BAM!, you’re instantly twelve degrees cooler than they imagined you to be?
Oy. See what I mean?
Unfortunately, the conference is only one weekend long, and there are only so many instances I can squeeze in there without completely abandoning my children and/or following you to your hotel. (To use their pool, duh.)
Because we will be short on time, and all the while packing in a TON of excellent information from brilliant speakers, let me go ahead and expel some first-impression double takes that might arise. You know, because of time.
- I’m a hugger.
- I assume you are also a hugger.
- I laugh overzealously and make lame comments when I’m feeling awkward, so if you are not a hugger and to keep the awkwardness to a minimum, let’s agree ahead of time on how to greet one another.
- I am actually secretly shy. I just overcompensate. And I do mean “over” QUITE literally.
- I am not trendy. At all. Which is weird, since I’m a blogger, and blogging is trendy.
- I mean, I shop at Old Navy when I’m feeling fancy.
- My idea of fashion sense is discerning whether or not these sweatpants make me look fat, or if I can still wear my maternity blouses without anyone asking how far along I am.
- If I seem even the least bit vogue, it’s because I’m either trying REALLY hard, just went on an Old Navy shopping spree, or raided my sister’s closet. Probably all of the above.
- I spend all day everyday with a toddler. It’s probably best to ignore it if (when) I slip into baby-talk or reflexively reach for your plate to cut up your vegetables.
- Look, everyone knows I mean “bathroom” when I accidentally refer to it as “the potty,” so don’t be a hero and take the easy joke, okay?
- I will probably also try to adjust your ponytail, brush a crumb off your shirt, or wipe a smudge from your forehead. Just swat my hand away and carry on.
- I literally snort when I laugh suddenly and loudly. I know that many of those in attendance are quite hilarious, so there’s a solid chance my nose might start bleeding. Just ignore it or laugh at me, which is what my family does. Enjoy the show.
I’m sure there are a dozen more that I should point out, but these are (for good reason) the most pressing.
If we meet in Nashville and against all odds, you STILL want to be blogger buddies, leave me a comment at the end of this post with your website, Twitter name, Facebook page…basically any and all ways I can appropriately stalk you internetually. I really want to be your friend, and if Bryan Allain has a Creepy Factor of 13, then I am CLEARLY shooting for the triple digits.